Our Story
Do you read me?
Greetings, Earthlings!
Do not be deceived my dear fellow, for we are genuine! That so-called “hair” you have on top of your head, …. Is actually a shape-shifting alien from the outermost part of our solar system. A small but savage colony deep within the heart of Neptune. The Home of their brood queen.
The Scarlet Hair Follicle!
This Queen of the aliens. The mother of Shapeshifters. The crown of Neptune! She’s the leader of her people called “The Hair Strands”, and her army of loyal and dedicated warriors called “Dan-Drufs!”
Earth has known of their existence for decades, but they cover it up. These Big Wigs make sure the idea of having hair is strong and empowering, despite the obvious flaws! You may not know it, but the 'hair' on your head is actually a parasitic life form from Neptune!
They're shape-shifting aliens that feed on your life force until they turn gray and retire to Florida. But fear not! We've developed a weapon to fight back against this hairy menace!
The Big Wigs are part of a shadow government. Acting behind the scenes and manipulating the masses. Some of you know this group as the Illuminati! But their real name is “Tupye”. Each member of the organization has their head of hair removed and replaced by a permanent synthetic wig. The only thing known to man that’s able to cut your hair safely and specially designed to remove the alien is via a device known as a “Moon Shave”
The hair is known to be incredibly difficult to cut. No device was capable enough to cut the hairs right at their core. So, we developed the flexible blade technology needed to cut the D.I.C.K’s at their core!
That’s D.I.C.K. - Deep Internalized Confidence Killers.
Yes, we know what you're thinking. But we already did the paperwork and it’s £85 to change and we were on hold for an hour and… cut! Just move on. Don’t leave this in.
Click here to see more about this D.I.C.K Shaving Device:
So, who is Moon Shave UK?
We are the Resistance. Based in the UK, deep in the county of Suffolk. The birthplace of some of the world's greatest innovations - like the hot air balloon and the Full English breakfast. And now, we're proud to add the Moon Shave to that list. We believe the public has the right to use the Moon Shave for themselves to stay protected from the hairy menace. We operate out of a high-tech facility known locally as a ‘Garden Shed’ outside of my mum’s house.
We urge you to join the call of war and become Earth’s last defence against the Scarlet Queen!
So, what do you say?
Are you ready to join
the resistance and proclaim yourself?!
(That's Bald Against Lurking Dan-drufs, in case you were wondering.)
Don't let the hairy overlords win - pick up a Moon Shave today and take back control of your scalp!
